Grant Wiebe – Kelowna Realtor

I’ve heard a number of rumours of an imminent alien invasion centered in the Canadian province of British Columbia beginning January 1, 2010.  These extra terrestrial beings are evacuating their home planet, Moate Roalah, prior to its destruction at 12:00 AM (earth time), January 1, 2010.  You see, the planet Moate Roalah’s calendar is exactly 10 years behind Earth’s calendar and interplanetary researchers have discovered that the 10 year old “Y2K” rumours that sent Earth’s western nations into a tailspin of computer repair and canned food hoarding were actually based on actual facts from the planet Moate Roalah. Unfortunately, the Moate Roalahn society is entirely dependent on early 286 and 386 PC processors.

The Moate Roalahns have chosen to take up residence in the Canadian province of British Columbia because its climate most resembles their home and because of its proximity to international shipping channels.  The planet Moate Roalah shares similar atmospheric conditions with Earth, but the planet is covered with a thin layer of orange wax and due to the planets’ poor growing conditions, its residents have evolved to survive on a consistent diet of this odorous substance.  To survive, the peanut sized Moate Roalahn beings plan to nest deep inside the ear canals of humans while they are sleeping.  This nesting method will satisfy their dietary requirements but it will not provide them with an adequate supply of oxygen to fuel their human-like respiratory systems.  In order to access a sufficient oxygen supply, the Moate Roalahns have fabricated small plastic air intakes that will protrude forward 3 to 4 centimetres from the ear canal toward the host’s cheek.  This air intake is the only way to identify if a human is being used as a host.  Another expected symptom in host humans is seemingly loud and random one-way conversations, due to the Moate Roalahns electro-impulses interrupting normal human brain function.